Cold and lonely

I have two good friends. They are both girls, and they are both in committed relationships. My only good male friend, while a fun guy to hang out with, is often a huge asshole and really pisses me off. He also lives on the other side of town, so hanging out with him is a bit of a pain. Sure, I know a lot of people, and they all purport to be my friends, but these are the only three people I seriously feel I can connect with. More and more, though, that connection is being lost.

They go off to hang out with their boyfriends ALL THE TIME. I am only secondary, the guy they hang out with if their boyfriend is out of town or on some crazy adventure. I am the fifth wheel on a four-wheel carriage. I don't want them to change, I'm glad that they have good healthy relationships. Maybe I just need to find some new friends.

I'm the kind of guy that, though I may seem like a social butterfly, hopping from event to event, social group to social group, the only situation I really feel comfortable and secure in is with one or two very good friends (or in the presence of a good girlfriend, which is very hard to find). Maybe this is why I'm so sociable, because I'm looking for this but can't find it.

I tried to settle down. I met a girl that I really thought I could connect with and enjoy spending time with, but she doesn't seem to have time for me. Every time I call her, it's always, "maybe tomorrow" or "call me later", which she rarely does. It's been practically 2 weeks since I've seen her, and my rope is at its end. Love hurts--especially when it's one-sided.

So, with no friends, no girl, and no life outside of the Co-ops, I lie here, depressed and lonely. I'm sorry I'm so picky about my friends, and I wish I could just be happy with all of the half-friendship/acquaintances that I have, but it won't be enough until I find someone that I really connect with.

I know that when my male friend reads this, he's going to tell me, "stop feeling so sorry for yourself, you're not the only one who feels this way" or something to that effect. My response is, fuck you, I'm sad, this is my way of venting my frustration.

I have a very strong feeling no one is going to read this...