Life in the land of anticipation

Do you ever feel like you're in suspended animation? Frozen, waiting in anticipation of great things to come? Doesn't it feel like it's never coming? Just the act of waiting makes it seem like it takes longer. This is where my life is right now. Motionless, hanging on the brink of explosion. Anticipating things to come so much that life as it currently stands feels like it will never go away.

School is almost over. Less than a month to go. While my peers are freaking out about final papers, exams and projects, school for me has become nothing more than a nuisance preventing me from living life to its fullest. I want to go out, I want to drink with my friends, I want to be a productive member of my Co-op, I want to do so many things, and school keeps getting in the way.

Oh, I need to do this reading. Damn, I need to write this 10-page paper that's due tomorrow. I guess I can't go see that show/play/party that you really want to go to.

School sucks. Less than a month, and it's all over. But that's 28 more days. 672 hours. 40,320 minutes. Sometimes it feels like the end will never come.

April 30th. The day of reckoning. The day I leave for my month-long pilgrimage through the depths of the other side of the Western world. Europe is calling, yet it feels so far away. Sitting here at my desk in the computer lab, I can't even imagine what's going to happen on May 1st, when I touch down in Amsterdam at 6 in the morning.

Where am I? Who am I? How the hell do I get downtown? Where's the coffee shop?

My next big project: The Grad Co-op. After several months of waiting for a lazy ad hoc committee to get its act together and select some officers for the house, we finally have an officer core. Less than a week after we got approval, I organized our first meeting and we got some stuff done. Now it's back to waiting. Waiting for holds to expire. Waiting for a hopelessly overwhelmed membership staff to keep going through the waitlist offering rooms to people who have been waiting longer than I have to hear about what's going on. Waiting for people to turn in forms, sign contracts, respond to emails. Waiting waiting waiting. Why can't I just be in charge?

If I were really running the show, I would be calling people, asking them if they even wanted the holds they currently have. I would have plowed through the waitlist ages ago, and everyone would know exactly where they stand. I would get rid of all these stupid bureaucratic hoops that people are being forced to jump through.

Maybe I'm overly-idealistic. Maybe I think I have more energy than I actually do. But right now, all of that energy is just sitting around, waiting. Waiting for a reason to be tapped. And school just isn't cutting it anymore.

So here I sit, listening to classical music that reminds me of Europe (Mozart, at the moment). I know that judgement day will come soon, and pardon my impatience, but I've been patient for 21 years. Goddammit, it's my time.